I tried not to. Yet, i couldn't hold back. To say it was easy, when it's fucking hard. Let's be friends, she said. Deep down i know even as friends, it's a lost cause. With the way things went before, i couldn't see her as a friend. I will feel awkward if such situations did occur. And with the messy aftermath, we didn't meet and see each other eye to eye anymore nor even have conversations like we used to.

And even as friends, i don't want to be a friend just by name. I'll still be no different from an acquaintance where contacted and asked for a meet up only when remembered and it won't be any different as even as it is now, we're doing just that. And finally, i wanted to make it easier for her to move on for a simple reason. I know that by agreeing to be friends and gotten her new number, i wouldn't be able to make things easier. For a simple reason being i might not be able to hold back the urge to text her.

It's better this way. It's hard for her, yet i believe it's harder for me to grasp the whole situation. Almost everyday, i'm living in a state of denial. She has shunned me out of her heart, ruling out a return with me. It pains to hear that, yet on the other hand at least she's being truthful. There's no longer any means to try, since it's already too late.

I've also come to realize that it will be hard to find a replacement for the void she left. She left a great impact on my family that they still sought her for assistance. I've always wondered if there's even anybody else who can achieve the feat she did with my family. Even when we're not together, her opinions and say are easily received by my family members.

I realize that she's different. Her way of thinking and speaking reflects her maturity. In comparison with the other girls, who prefers to either put up a cute front, she portrays herself very professionally without being bound to emotions and feelings getting the best of her. She's just simply one of a kind.

Even when i was accompanying Wan, Maya & Gideon whom were studying for their Friday paper, that place brings back memories. The New York New York fucking huge burger i couldn't finish on one of our dates. Even playing L4D at the LAN shop near Kovan brings back memories. She's so close, yet so far. But it was a blast playing with them. As i expected, i don't think even if i'm forced to move on, i know i still won't be able to do it. Till then.